It's been almost a month since my last post and my absence was purely intentional. I need(ed) space. Time. A moment to catch my breath and evaluate my life. Things are calm, almost eerily calm, and I am finding peace in the silence. Gavin is wonderful, Rocky is wonderful, and I am continuing to work through my feelings and emotions. Who knew that 106 days could cause so much scarring and damage? I certainly did not. Despite it all, I am re-learning how to integrate my thoughts and emotions into our overly complex world. At times, it is painfully difficult because I am forced to confront situations and feelings that I have suppressed for 17 months.
You may be wondering about the title of this post - Out of Place. Since starting therapy, I feel caught between two opposite worlds - preemie world and regular world. Preemie world involves a lot of stress, anxiety, fear, doctors, medicines, tears, sadness, early intervention, and evaluations. Regular world, on the other hand, involves play groups, fun times, eating dirt, licking the floor, normal conversations, carelessness, obliviousness, naivety, peace, and stillness. Over the last month, I feel myself moving from preemie world into regular world with one foot in each place. I don't completely fit into either but I am desperately wanting to be regular. Time and therapy have proven crucial during this transition and although it is sad to let go of our old life, I am ready to jump into the regular world with no desire to turn back.
Wish us luck as we pack up and head out on our new endeavor towards normalcy. First stop, Disneyland!!!!!!