Thursday, October 6, 2011

Out of Place

It's been almost a month since my last post and my absence was purely intentional. I need(ed) space. Time. A moment to catch my breath and evaluate my life. Things are calm, almost eerily calm, and I am finding peace in the silence. Gavin is wonderful, Rocky is wonderful, and I am continuing to work through my feelings and emotions. Who knew that 106 days could cause so much scarring and damage? I certainly did not. Despite it all, I am re-learning how to integrate my thoughts and emotions into our overly complex world. At times, it is painfully difficult because I am forced to confront situations and feelings that I have suppressed for 17 months.

You may be wondering about the title of this post - Out of Place. Since starting therapy, I feel caught between two opposite worlds - preemie world and regular world. Preemie world involves a lot of stress, anxiety, fear, doctors, medicines, tears, sadness, early intervention, and evaluations. Regular world, on the other hand, involves play groups, fun times, eating dirt, licking the floor, normal conversations, carelessness, obliviousness, naivety, peace, and stillness. Over the last month, I feel myself moving from preemie world into regular world with one foot in each place. I don't completely fit into either but I am desperately wanting to be regular. Time and therapy have proven crucial during this transition and although it is sad to let go of our old life, I am ready to jump into the regular world with no desire to turn back.

Wish us luck as we pack up and head out on our new endeavor towards normalcy. First stop, Disneyland!!!!!!

3 comments:

  1. Have a GREAT time at Disneyland! I am glad you are taking some time to sort out all of these in-between feelings. Such a confusing place to be. And high-five for therapy!!!! xoxo

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  2. You can do it, Mama!

    So... you're coming to my area! Well, at least near my old area. I work 25 minutes or so from Disneyland. I hope you have a great time! No clue if you've been before or not, but just in case you didn't know, there's a mom's room right by the lockers to the right of the entrance.

    Hugs!

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  3. Hi Megan! I found your blog when I saw a comment you had made on Baby Center about your 25 weeker. I just read through most of your blog, and I am sad that you are no longer keeping it up?? Any chance you will write again? I have a 24 weeker, born in March 2011. She is 18 months now (14 months adjusted). I cried as I read through some of your posts because I can so relate to what you say. I found myself nodding my head or saying "yes" out loud as I agreed with things you wrote. It sure has been a long road, and I know we've got more to go. Would love to see you post more and I'd love to see more recent pics of your adorable Gavin and hear how he is doing.

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